SERMON 1Delivered by High Priest Wycco Jun 26 Year 1 Anno. Shamu.
Fundamentals Of Shamuism
Welcome to the Church Of Shamu. I'm sure many of you are wondering what this strange new religion is. This first sermon of Shamuism will try to address the fundamentals of Shamuism. I will updated this site sporadically, so please check back for updates.
The first question you may ask is, what is Shamuism? Shamuism, or the Church of Shamu, as it is sometimes called, is the worship of, Takagi (the spinner), Shamu (the whale-son), and The Holy Crap (the spirit that causes the unexpected to happen).
Toranosuke Takagi is a former F1 driver who created the universe 8 billion years ago, how he did this will be explained in the next sermon. Takagi is the master of spins, Shamuists worship him for his extra-ordinary spinning skill that would later cause him to create the universe as we know it.
Shamu is the son of Takagi. (you're better off not asking how Takagi fathered a whale.) Shamu used to swim around smacking evil and making the world a better place. (In case you are wondering Shamu of Shamuist fame is unique- any resemblence to killer whales living or dead is an accident- sorry!) Each time Shamu dies- evil is removed from the world; hence by going to the home page and squishing Shamu- you are making the world a better place!
The Holy Crap is a aqueous-gassy fluid expelled by Shamu when he went to the potty. Alike liquid-gas crap from a whale- The Holy Crap is the cause of all things unexpected in this world, such as someone creating a religion out of killing killer whales.
How do you worship Shamu? Many people sacrifice virgins- or clones to Shamu. The Church of Shamu does not take any responsibility for any legal actions caused by followers worshipping Shamu in this manner. Another way of worshipping Shamu is by ritually killing him on the home page of http://shamucroaks.tripod.com over and over again. You may also answer the polls, buy his products, or write odes and messages to Shamu on the forum. All the above statements are ways of showing your devotion to Shamu.
Shamu Morality is an interesting issue. Technically Shamuists believe everyone should form their own form of morality. Naturally the Church Of Shamu looks down upon any act that brings harm to another. It is considered your moral obligation to check out http://shamucroaks.tripod.com daily to look for updates in sermons, death scenes, or forum updates- but the occasional digression from this rule is considered OK.
Until the next sermon, when we discuss the creation of the universe as we know it: May Shamu smack the evil out of you until you lie senseless on the floor,
-----Wycco High Priest Of Shamuism and the Church Of Shamu-----